You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Randomize
