im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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