i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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