Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
