Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
