There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
