Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
