Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
