Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
