Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
