I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
