Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
