my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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