actually, I'm a sock model
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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