some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
