what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
