Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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