you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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