Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
