i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
