bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
