We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
