there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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