I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
