stop calling my apartment porn island.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
