We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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