i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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