1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
