At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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