She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
