so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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