Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
