I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
