I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
