Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
