The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
