Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
