Pappa wants mamma naked
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
