Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
