watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
