I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
