Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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