I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
