A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your cock deserves a montage
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
