also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
