Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my sisters under your porch take her home
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
