I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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