In the future we'll all be gay
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
