next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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