I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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