I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
