she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
