who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
