Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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