I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
