Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
