We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
