i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
