ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
